And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
