This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
