Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
