i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
