Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
