Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
