I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
mondays should just be called national damage control day
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you are never too drunk for berry picking
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
