oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
