she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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