hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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