Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I deserve this hangover.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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