Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
