I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
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i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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