Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
