dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
