dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
