Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.

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  (402): she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook. http://tfl.nu/e703
  Replies (9) Good night (1208) Bad night (5303)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later

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  (513): i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later http://tfl.nu/g0hd
  Replies (24) Good night (4300) Bad night (1172)
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  (310): View more from California

  I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..

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  (310): I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas.. http://tfl.nu/m0nn
  Replies (24) Good night (3363) Bad night (792)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

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  (732): i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry. http://tfl.nu/ss0l
  Replies (13) Good night (8657) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Ah, my reputation precedes me.

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  (812): The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me. (317): Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around. (812): Ah, my reputation precedes me. http://tfl.nu/vl1p
  Replies (25) Good night (1675) Bad night (4442)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome

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  (317): cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome http://tfl.nu/yrg8
  Replies (35) Good night (5748) Bad night (2126)
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  (516): View more from New York

  He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.

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  (516): He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes. http://tfl.nu/agxg
  Replies (14) Good night (1242) Bad night (4474)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?

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  (775): Why is the garage door in the middle of the street? http://tfl.nu/rc41
  Replies (13) Good night (4206) Bad night (1531)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.

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  (601): I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha. http://tfl.nu/8fn5
  Replies (7) Good night (2198) Bad night (959)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day

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  (316): I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day http://tfl.nu/h30u
  Replies (16) Good night (1502) Bad night (3914)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.

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  (410): well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you. http://tfl.nu/1rtw
  Replies (5) Good night (668) Bad night (294)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention

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  (610): I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention http://tfl.nu/bnw5
  Replies (4) Good night (604) Bad night (302)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it

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  (443): My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it http://tfl.nu/2q57
  Replies (6) Good night (967) Bad night (273)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.

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  (304): When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night. http://tfl.nu/a3k2
  Replies (1) Good night (210) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.

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  (805): I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you. http://tfl.nu/8wct
  Replies (1) Good night (337) Bad night (182)

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