He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
