I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in