Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
