Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dating After Heartbreak
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.