Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
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Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.