I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
