Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I murdered the dance floor call the cops

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  (757): I murdered the dance floor call the cops http://tfl.nu/jwsp
  Replies (14) Good night (2423) Bad night (748)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.

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  (651): It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave. http://tfl.nu/tj8s
  Replies (87) Good night (660) Bad night (4455)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.

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  (407): so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it. http://tfl.nu/5uvk
  Replies (33) Good night (1665) Bad night (4675)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.

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  (313): I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life. http://tfl.nu/7obq
  Replies (9) Good night (773) Bad night (4268)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.

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  (602): So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw. http://tfl.nu/cazb
  Replies (19) Good night (4030) Bad night (812)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....

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  (316): She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar.... http://tfl.nu/1ee9
  Replies (15) Good night (1237) Bad night (5246)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.

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  (704): he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen. http://tfl.nu/oi0t
  Replies (26) Good night (9263) Bad night (1368)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"

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  (202): we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious" http://tfl.nu/kvms
  Replies (4) Good night (3173) Bad night (756)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.

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  (941): I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt. http://tfl.nu/lbvc
  Replies (12) Good night (1006) Bad night (2413)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?

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  (203): Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night? http://tfl.nu/3u1b
  Replies (5) Good night (1472) Bad night (677)
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  (227): View more from Maryland

  Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake

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  (227): Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake http://tfl.nu/ij8f
  Replies (7) Good night (491) Bad night (854)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...

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  (520): My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket... http://tfl.nu/zba4
  Replies (0) Good night (570) Bad night (340)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher

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  (519): He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher http://tfl.nu/uiek
  Replies (7) Good night (917) Bad night (398)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.

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  (731): He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever. http://tfl.nu/ca2r
  Replies (3) Good night (1237) Bad night (336)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?

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  (704): What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it? http://tfl.nu/lfbk
  Replies (4) Good night (943) Bad night (239)

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