she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.