I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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