If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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