I showed him my bush... on skype.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
