someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
