I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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