Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
