i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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