I molested 6 butterflies tonight
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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