Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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