Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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