i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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