Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
