ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
