I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
