..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
