Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
