I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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