do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
