I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Houston, we have a squirter
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
