my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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