yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
sarcasm needs its own font
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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