she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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