i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it's like iHOP with fire
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
