READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
