omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
