4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
