Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
