dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
