I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
