that's an acceptable place to lick
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
