Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
