Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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