Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
