My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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