if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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