I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
