he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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