WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
