i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
