you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
