get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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