Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize