The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
