Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The best revenge is premature balding
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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