She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
