i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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