Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
