He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
