Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
