Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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